A little post valentines day dating discussion 🙂 Over the last year, I’ve met and in some cases dated a couple different single moms, and have had some interesting experiences and observations. Sure, dating someone with kids presents it’s different challenges, but in the right situation, it can be a rewarding and fun experience. We as men have to face the facts, they have been scorned before and their first obligation is to protect their child. A logical man understands that. Not all men are logical. To level the playing field, the man must understand he’s number two, and if it were any other way, that should raise a huge red flag. The man also has a reasonable expectation that if the woman is putting herself out there to meet guys to date, that she isn’t still waffling around about whether she is ready or not, or over her ex, or if he is still hanging on. Either scenario isn’t a fair or clean start, and the man in that case is defeated before it even begins.
The first thing they are trying to feel out, besides us being compatible with them, is if, and how we could fit into her child’s life in the future. I am also trying to gauge their parenting approach and what they are doing to make their lives, and their children’s lives the best it can be. Are they ambitious and dedicated? Or do they blame everyone else and play victim? I’ve met both kinds. The latter is a no bueno. Sure, I want to get to know them and see if anything is there. But part of that process is also learning about her child and their relationship etc. If a woman has to *tell* you how her kid comes first and how important he or she is to her, the BS meters are standing by waiting to sound. It’s kindof like buying antique or collectible items, if the seller has to tell you it’s an antique, that probably means he thinks it’s worth more than what it is in fair market value. Or is trying to convince you of that.
I met a divorced mother of 2, she was beautiful and had a great personality, and we had a great time getting to know each other. It was a perfect balance of the building process and getting to know more about her kids and family. I knew pretty quickly that she was working hard in her career so that she could make a good life for herself and her kids. And she never failed to make sure her kids got to their tournaments and just to take them to the movies, etc. That and conversation with her is what made her so desirable. She proved her dedication with her actions, not empty words. It appeared that it wasn’t yet time for her to move forward in a new relationship, which was disappointing. To this day, I haven’t lost respect for her. Knowing what kind of person she is, and knowing that what she does, she does whole heartedly, inspires me. The way she presented herself couldn’t have been better, and is far more convincing than words alone 🙂 Delivery really is everything. That approach works well to engage a man in her life, including family and personal. And to make him want to earn the privilege of eventually being let in. The defense wall and empty words do not.