The balance of internal and external beauty

This is a beautiful, and somewhat rare combination in a woman….it’s out there, but sometimes you have to look for it. But then again, if it were that easy to find, it’s human nature not to appreciate it as much. I was slightly hesitant to share this story, because it’s so personal. But, I was moved and inspired enough by this experience that I could use it in my future works. So I decided to share it. I hope you’ll take a deep breath and be patient, because this is a lengthy article, but I hope someone finds it worth their time and is touched by it somehow 🙂

It was the Summer of 2010, long story short, my White Boxer, Cracker was whimpering one night and I felt some bloating in her stomach, so I rushed her to the emergency vet since it was probably 11:00 at night. They said her stomach flipped and we either had to put her down or do surgery which was risky….I had them do surgery, I mean we HAD to try regardless of the expense. About 12 hours later she passed away in recovery 🙁 I can’t even put to words how dark of a day it was. All of this was so sudden, and so dramatic, I was waiting to wake up from this horrible dream and see my dog again. My other dog was starting to figure out something wasn’t right. Several friends came over when they got the news from Facebook, took me to the Mexican restaurant just to get me out, which was nice, I really couldn’t eat much. But that showed compassion and heart. It didn’t end there. One of my former girlfriends had offered to come over and spend the night and keep me company, my jaw about hit the floor…I graciously accepted and felt glad, yet undeserving.

The first thing we did when she arrived, after a nice long soft embrace, was got in my above ground pool and relax a bit, once I brought her up to speed on the turn of events. Though I felt weak and empty, I was trying to get to the first step of the healing process, which I knew I’d have to do. But at that time it was a lot to process, that fast. 48 hours ago, she was chasing a ball and barking at it. The stillness of the Summer night provided an awkward silence in the pool. I was glad to hear sounds of the water and faint sounds of a train and sirens from the main thoroughfare nearby. This was the first step of recovery and the distraction I needed. It just felt wonderful to have someone to help me work through this. I felt so grateful. I specifically remember the amazing feeling of the long embraces, the kisses. I began kissing her collarbone, pelvic bone, hips, back of her neck, stomach, and holding her uncovered back and butt in my hands as she held my head and body on her arms.

When we got out, I poured some wine, we talked on the porch swing where we used to look at the stars together. When it was bedtime, we held each other all night, which was great, because sleep was impossible with this past 24 hours. Some sleep finally came, when we awoke, all I could do was tell her how much I appreciate her being there, and rub her back and fingers through her hair. Of course the conversation came up, what really happened to what we had before? It was the best discussion we’ve had, no bickering, just the facts. Bottom line seemed very mutual, that at the time we were together, we were both dealing with things and it was hard for her to open up, and it was hard for me to know that and be patient about it. It eventually drove a wedge between us. At that time, we openly discussed it, there were no hard feelings about the past, and nothing could ever destroy our bond again. We still had something special, but neither of us were able to figure out what any of it meant after that. All I know is, to this day, that is one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me, and I’ll never forget it. Not only did we have physical chemistry, but she showed me how passionate and loving her heart really is.

Even though internal and external beauty is not as easy to find as many of us would like….sometimes we’re all guilty of looking too hard for it, that we miss it when it’s right in front of us. And as tragic as the reason for this story is, I can use it to be inspired to bring out not only the beauty of the female form and body….but also to capture her soul. This way, whoever receives the gift of photography is reminded of what they have and not to take it for granted.

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