Accountability defeats dwelling

When I have taken personal reflection time about past relationships, and what to learn and apply to the future, it has often come back to one girl. This was years ago. My ex fiance and I had broken up, and I say this to the people who think they can’t do it alone…that’s bologna. We had a great relationship for a while, but I felt communication and honesty was where parts were missing, and the cracks began to show eventually. When it was taking a toll on our relationship, that part of the relationship was far more painful than after it ended, because it was like neither of us knew how to fix it. Well, like anyone would do, I took healing time.

A couple months passed, I met the girl I first referenced. I was ready but I wasn’t, but I knew if I didn’t act, I may lose my chance and I had to try, so I could get to the next phase in my life faster maybe. I still remember our first date at the fair, and the amazing chemistry and intimacy between us. Not only was she so pretty and sun shiny, she truly has a heart of gold and is very caring and genuine….a rare combination. We got along great but were clearly different. She was a bit younger than me but seemed to be very motivated to settle down, which concerned me a little. I assured her that I wasn’t planning on going anywhere and I am excited to build our relationship a piece at a time, and was excited about it….but I needed her to be patient with me, because I had recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship. I was trying my best not to bring the past into our relationship, but as a result, I was only comfortable with a step at a time, which is sensible anyway. After all, it’s not like either of us are going to be old tomorrow….chill and let it be, please. If I wanted to be with my ex fiance, I would still be….and I’m not. I’m with you. And I want to be with you. Eventually her being insecure and me not being as patient as I needed to be took it’s toll.

It was painful but we both needed to heal and be true to ourselves. She quickly rebounded, which she found out was a mistake. We stayed on good terms, and later on tried again, unofficially, sorta. lol. For some reason it never took off, I think once a couple breaks up, it can weaken the fiber to the point it’s hard to regain trust and faith. She later married and started a family, we stayed in touch for a while and she realized she rushed and settled too quickly. But was there now. I was sad for her but my hands were tied….we aren’t in touch but once in a blue moon now, but we’ve both had our chance to make amends with one another and know both of us have nothing but good feelings and graciousness towards each other.  That makes it healing and prevents dwelling in the past. I feel like we both made it right with one another. In fact I ran into her father and caught up with him, and asked about her. I told him I hope all is well with her, and in some ways I made a mistake not doing what I needed to for it to work with us, and how wonderful of a person I think she is. (This wasn’t easy to do, but I think it needed to be done) He said he knows I tried my best and knew how her impatience could drive people away too, and things always happen a certain way for a reason….through these things we all learn our lessons in life. 🙂 Enjoy the curves and light, we only go around one time.

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